Written by our resident advice columnist
Dear One Love,
I’m a virgin. I’m not really religious and I don’t have anything against sex… I’m just not ready. How do I tell the person I’m dating? When do I tell them? I know this is weird, but I’m nervous to bring it up.
– Virgin in Waiting
Dear Virgin in Waiting,
So, when do you tell your date that you’re a virgin? Welp, you probably shouldn’t blurt it out on the first or second date. Some experts say the third date may be the best time to let the person you’re dating know you’re a virgin because by this time they’ve gotten a chance to get to know you and they may be thinking of trying to go all the way.
TBH, your virginity is your business. You don’t have to tell the person you’re dating that you’re a virgin until you feel comfortable disclosing that information. But if you’re worried about your amazing make-out shesh suddenly going cold after you’ve cleared your throat and exclaimed your vehement commitment to remaining chaste then try something subtle, like this:
“I’m really into you but I’m not ready to have sex right now. And to be honest, I’m not sure when I’ll be ready.”
I know you’re nervous, and those nerves may be coming from your fear of being rejected but if this person is half as awesome as you originally thought, they’ll respect your boundaries. Also, abstaining from sex is not as big a deal as it used to be. In fact, some studies have shown that young people (ages 17-25) are waiting longer to have sex and they are having less sex than their older peers. So, talking to your date about your virginity may not be as big a deal as you think it is.
Ultimately, if they decide that not having sex with the person they are dating (aka you) isn’t right for them right now, that’s ok too. The bottom-line is sex is something you both should be equally excited to engage in when you’re ready. And no matter how long you’ve been dating you should feel comfortable letting them know what you are or aren’t comfortable with.
Be wary of anyone that makes you feel guilty for not having sex. Not only is this super unhealthy and manipulative but it may be a not so subtle warning sign of other issues that lie within them and not you.
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